The United Nations International Day of Support and Care returns on Oct. 29 recognizing the ongoing need for both paid and unpaid care work. For Vic Gailiunas, coordinator of North Shore Community Resources (NSCR)’s caregiver support program, family caregivers face many challenges when seeking support – a key one being the difficulty in recognizing their role as caregivers.
“They’re still working, still raising their kids, and helping out mom a little more than they did before,” he says, noting that denial is another major barrier to accessing support. “It’s not always just this light that turns on and says, ‘You are now a caregiver.’”
Building communities
Gailiunas joined NSCR in early October of 2021 and now runs their various family-caregiver support groups, including one just for men. He notes that the insidious and slow progress of certain illnesses, particularly dementia, often prevent people from recognizing that they have become caregivers.
“At some point, it gets to where the person can’t do their activities of daily life, like dressing and feeding themselves and cooking, then it’s pretty obvious,” he says. “But for a lot of people, there can be a really long time and a slow decline before they get to that point.”
Opened to all family caregivers, the organization’s general caregiver support group meets monthly and offers a space for sharing personal caregiving experiences. The meetings also feature speakers providing caregiving-related information and resources, such as tax implications, burnout, and emotion-focused therapy.
“They can be pretty heavy conversations, as you can imagine, there’s a lot of emotions that come with family caregiving: frustration, resentment, anger, sibling issues… guilt, sadness, depression,” he says, adding that a happy or humorous story is also shared from time to time.
To facilitate a safe space, participants are asked to keep conversations confidential and respectful. Instead of providing advice, the idea is to speak from personal experience and leave room for open discussion. Gailiunas notes that those who don’t want to share but would like to listen are also welcomed.
“Ultimately, what we want to do with all our support groups is have people leave feeling a little lighter than when they showed up,” he says.
Filling a recognized need
Serving only those caring for partners, the men’s support group was formed shortly before Gailiunas’ time with NSCR. Through the organization’s promotional efforts, including with long term care homes, the first meeting consisted of Gailiunas, the group leader, and two other participants. The group has since grown to around 19 people with approximately a dozen showing up at each meeting.
“Something that happens especially with men and the way [they] are socialized is to not talk about how they feel,” Gailiunas says, noting how men often share the activities of their day when asked about their experiences.
For him, this group provides the empathetic space necessary for men to share their feelings without facing judgement. He further notes that the group leader created a men-only group after experiencing first-hand the need for it.
“He said he had been a member at regular caregiver groups when his wife got ill for a number of years,” Gailiunas recounts. “One day [he] walked into a meeting and there was a bunch of women talking…and the moment [he] walked in, all the women stopped talking.”
Like the general group, it also provides education with speakers on general caregiving topics, but also those specific to men’s experiences. Alongside these support groups, NSCR also offers The Grapevine, a newsletter for caregivers. Gailiunas highlights NSCR’s bereavement group and two multicultural groups – for Korean and Persian communities – as other resources for caregivers.
“It’s a bold move for people to take that first step and say, ‘I actually need to go and sit and talk to people in a group,’” adds Gailiunas. “Once they’ve made that step, they often start to self-recognize as a caregiver and that’s when they can ease into our programming.”
For more information, see https://seniors.nscr.ca/caregiver-support-program.
