First Comes Love: Nakabingwit is an invitation to difficult conversations—one that comes in a “fun, colourful and really delicious wrapper,” says Filipino Canadian director Joella Cabalu. The film bridges the romantic comedy and documentary genres, exploring how women in the Filipino diaspora navigate discussions of race and belonging with their white romantic partners.

“I hope that people come away with a sense of possibility and optimism that there are ways—healthy, generative and loving ways—to talk about these difficult subjects in a way that doesn’t have to be destructive,” Cabalu shares.

English translations of Nakabingwit include “caught with a hook and line,” “able to hook a fish” or “you’ve caught a big fish.” According to the director, the Tagalog term colloquially means “you’ve caught a rich husband” or “you’ve caught a white husband.”

“This term is based off of Filipinos in the Philippines meeting a foreigner,” Cabalu points out that media representations of Filipino women dating foreigners—like TLC’s 90 Day Fiancé—affect those in the diaspora. “How does that translate for people who live in Canada as first and second-generation Filipino Canadians?”

A National Film Board of Canada production, First Comes Love: Nakabingwit will see its world premiere at the Vancouver International Film Festival (Oct. 3, SFU Woodwards; Oct. 7, International Village – Auditorium 10; Oct. 10, Alliance Française).

Pushing boundaries of genre

Cabalu envisioned First Comes Love: Nakabingwit as a “rom-com documentary” even before knowing what the “film would be like.” She grew up watching romantic comedies, such as Rob Reiner’s When Harry Met Sally (1989), and was drawn to romantic drama, like Richard Linklater’s Before Trilogy: Before Sunrise (1995), Before Sunset (2004) and Before Midnight (2013).

“That has been very much the instructional manual for me of how relationships look like and how they operated,” Cabalu adds that the television show Malibu Shores (1996)—starring Keri Russell—also contributed to ideas of romance. “As I got older and was getting into relationships, I [thought], ‘Oh, it’s not like the movies.’ They don’t really deal with the more difficult, serious issues I was dealing with.”

Cabalu sees First Comes Love: Nakabingwit as pushing romantic narratives beyond the superficial—offering new ways to resolve relationship difficulties.

“One question my therapist would ask when I bring up some tense moments was, ‘How would you have wanted that conversation to go instead?’” Cabalu shares the inspiration behind exploring different communication pathways.

The film features interviews with couples Veronica Bertiz and Mathilde Saint-Marie (Montréal); Rhea Paez and Eric Lotto (Vancouver); and Justine Abigail Yu and Dominic Pollard (Toronto). Cabalu originally intended to feature a diverse range of couples in different stages of their relationship.

After research, she narrowed the focus to Gen-Z and millennial couples—the demographics that were really interested in “thinking critically and actively through racial dynamics.”

 “During development, it became clear that I was looking to have women’s voices be the focus,” the director adds.

Making room for nuances

The film also contains re-enactments of Cabalu’s own love life—where she has experienced similar relationship dynamics. The director recalls a friend equating her dating of a white man to “winning.”

“I [reacted with] disgust: What are you suggesting? That I’ve upgraded in social status or beauty standards because now this white man finds me attractive?” Cabalu recalls. “On the flip side, there was a sense of pride, which was very surprising to me.”

Disturbed by these back-to-back, contradictory feelings, the director wanted to know how other Filipino women in the diaspora navigated this emotional terrain.

“When I started out on this journey, it was certainly healing to hear from other people that they were feeling similar things,” she shares how the film also discusses Filipino media’s preference for whiteness: lighter-skinned actresses tend to play main characters deemed “beautiful,” while darker-skinned actresses play the “best friend.” “Having a Eurasian look was considered more beautiful, and that again, is brought up with the term Nakabingwit—having this attachment to a white, European person.”

Cabalu recognizes this preference as “an undertone” of Philippines’ history of Spanish colonization. First Comes Love: Nakabingwit also explores how this colonial legacy translates into a Canadian context—a country with its own colonial history.

“One thing, at the outset, that I wanted to avoid in making this film was to over-romanticize inter-racial relationships, especially in Canada where we pride ourselves on multiculturalism,” Cabalu cautions against viewing these relationships as a sign of society’s tolerance. Rather, her interest lies in observing how couples “actively” negotiate and converse about race. “I really wanted to look at the nuances [of these relationships].”

The next chapter

The film explores serious topics like different political opinions; approaches to raising children; experiences with racism; and recognition of white privilege. Class dynamics—in the context of domestic labour—are also explored.

“[In the film,] a Filipina, Veronica, talks about how when she was in the Philippines, she had a maid, whereas for her Francophone partner, Mathilde, [having a maid] was unheard of,” the director shares. “It goes into a conversation about how Veronica felt like she was a maid, cleaning up after her partner.”

Cabalu adds that flattening loved ones into just the “white person” or the “villain” is an “easy trap door” during tense moments—one that should be avoided. The warning applies to both friends and romantic partners.

“What I’ve learned is really having to recognize when I’m falling through the trap door [and] take a beat and try to remember that the person in front of me is someone that I love,” Cabalu shares, “a complex and nuanced person who experiences the world differently than I do and to be more curious about that.”

She sees the need for more diverse representations of the Filipino diaspora, especially those that make room for nuances.

“I want this film to be the next chapter in the canon of Filipino representation,” Cabalu adds. “We are not a monolith, and we all experience things differently and have different backgrounds and ways of showing up as being Filipino.”

The Vancouver International Film Festival returns Oct. 1-11, featuring over 160 films, 85 shorts and other special events.

For more information, see https://viff.org/whats-on/viff26-first-comes-love/.