Moving to Vancouver was surreal. It was also not an easy decision to make. You see, I was born and raised in the Greater Toronto Area (GTA) – my family still lives there. I came to Vancouver to be with my husband, whose job and life are now here, and whose roots are in British Columbia. I’ve now been here now for almost five years, and each year it feels more like home.

I first moved out of my family home at the age of seventeen to go to McMaster University. Like a lot of young adults, it was a “close to home” move, only 45 minutes away to Hamilton, Ontario. I liked it there, so I stayed for medical school and an Internal Medicine residency thereafter. Hamilton, for those who are unfamiliar, is known as the “armpit” of Ontario. I eventually found charm in the people and places while I was there, so I had no real reason to leave until I met my husband.

My husband and I met in Ontario eight years ago. He is born and raised in small town British Columbia, with a country bar as the family business. He trained for work in Ontario, and was then transferred back to B.C. Since I was in transition between residency and subspecialty training in Respiratory Medicine, I was mobile and able to apply to the University of British Columbia for this training.

It was nerve-wracking, having to wait for the acceptance letter, and I never actually considered what living in Vancouver would be like. I knew that it was different, having visited multiple times, but I didn’t really think beyond the landscape and mild winters. And of course, there was a family bar to look forward to.

On my first day of work, I noticed differences right away. It didn’t occur to me that interactions with people in the same country could be so different. Everyone was polite, but also politely distant. Back east, I was used to relatively open interactions where people mostly said what was on their minds (generalizing here, but predominantly true). I found the distance off-putting and wasn’t initially interested in making friends.

In the workplace, trainees and staff were not given direct feedback or spoken to directly; it happened behind closed doors, as opposed to with the particular individual. To this day, I have no idea if I was a great trainee or a complete fool. This continues to unnerve me.

Shalini Nayar went to university where Tim Horton’s was born: Hamilton, Ont. Photo by Richard Hsu, Flickr

The differences were obvious even in subtle interactions with family. For instance, I went to a Tim Horton’s with my husband one day soon after moving here. I ordered a medium coffee with three milks and two sugars. I know it’s unusual. I know people are prone to getting the milk and sugar backwards, and I know that staff members are overwhelmed with weird orders. As it turns out, I got the wrong coffee, so I went back to the cashier to, politely, request another.

Afterwards, my husband implied that I should be more polite, and that my expectations were too high. Apparently, I should have, more politely, not brought this
error to light, taken my coffee and gone.

This sparked a debate between us that continues to this day, regarding what exactly the more polite course of action is. Is it more polite to tell someone what you think in a sensitive manner, of course, or avoid pointing out a blunder and “politely” ignore the behaviour. I say get it over with, and let the issue drop. We agree to disagree.

Despite the initial culture shock, I have continued to adapt and have actually created my own, selective, support system. We bought a condo downtown, enjoy the amazing summers on the water, other people’s boats, and are proud parents to an amazing (read lazy) bulldog who was bred for no purpose. I am completely immersed in the city of Vancouver.

Also, I discovered things about myself working here that I don’t think I would have realized anywhere else. Due to the overwhelmingly generous and wonderful patient population, as well as a few situations that will impact me forever, I discovered that strength of mine is in Palliative Medicine.

So, despite too many years of additional training, the UBC program allowed me to use my specialty training to gain further experience in palliative care. I now work with a supportive group of colleagues with a breadth of experience between them that constantly exemplifies what a “good doctor” should be. Our interdisciplinary team works together to allow all of us to impact patient care in ways I would never have experienced.

So, overall, moving to Vancouver was not a choice made because of all that it boasts. It was a choice made for me to start my own family. It was not an easy choice to make, but it was a choice I would make all over again.