My friend, Aditi, whose family is from Punjab, India invited me to her brother’s wedding reception. This was the third wedding reception I had attended in four weeks – wedding season was certainly upon us in Vancouver this summer. Eventually, my boyfriend (who is from New Delhi, India) of five years and I will be married; the when, where and how are still to be determined.
When we entered the hall in Surrey we were met with tasteful and elegant decor, many, many round tables for the over 500 guests to sit at, an open bar, buffet and a dance floor, which was fully equipped with a strong sound system and the lighting capacity of a professional venue. As well, there was an elevated stage directly across from the entrance where the bride and groom were to be seated. The women that attended the event were adorned in elegant, colourful and bejewelled garments of all types with intricate stitch work, and the men were dressed in dashing suits and ties. All involved looked their finest.
The sari I wore to the event was quite simple in comparison to what the other ladies wore, which is more in line with my style for South Asian garments. My boyfriend’s mother brought me a gorgeous and simple peacock blue sari from India a couple of years ago. The edges are trimmed with a thin gold and black stripe-like pattern, and the fabric that hangs over my shoulder shows a bold dark purple stripe with the same gold and black striped trim; there are neither beads nor fancy work of any kind on my sari. The top I wore is in the style of a crop top in a gold tinged brocade-like fabric that is sleeveless with a scoop back and a tie that runs across the back. I wore the only sari like it, which made me stand out in the crowd. Despite standing out, I felt completely comfortable as it reflected my taste in saris – vivid colour and simplicity.
I received many compliments on my sari both while I was tweaking it in the washroom and through my friend Aditi who told me several people commented to her on its loveliness and how well I wore it. This all made me feel very happy – everyone likes a compliment but my feelings go a bit deeper than this. I experienced a deep sense of acceptance.
I sometimes run into a small racist comment here and there – it just reminds me that I am an outsider, being a Caucasian, which is not something I worry about too much. An example of this is an encounter I had while I attended a friend’s BBQ this past summer. One of the South Asian ladies had commented to me, “Oh, is the chicken too spicy for you?” as she noticed I was not eating a lot of it and assumed I could not handle the spice level. This comment was slightly offensive as I have been in a relationship with a South Asian man for five years, which has included many, many Indian meals (both North and South) and prior to my relationship, I would dine on Indian food with friends. So the reason was not the spice level, it was the fact that I eat in a vegetarian fashion more often than not. This choice was in part influenced by my exposure to the many delicious vegetarian dishes of Indian cuisine.
The fact that I received so many compliments on my sari that night regardless of my ethnic background helped me feel more accepted into the community. I have other ways of gaining acceptance, for example, through my knowledge of the latest Bollywood films, actors and actresses, my experience in a contemporary South Asian dance troupe and other Indian dance styles, as well as learning the Hindi language. My sari, however, gained me a great first impression and allowed me to shift into conversations that show my appreciation, love and curiosity of the culture.
