“It means a lot that this community exists,” she adds, reflecting on the importance of promoting diverse authors. “[I am] so grateful to pay it forward and share what I have learned in my process with attendees.”

Being a third culture kid

Restaurant Kid tells Phan’s story of growing up in a small Southern Ontario town without much racial diversity. Her ethnically Chinese parents were born and raised in Vietnam. Phan’s memoir reflects on intimate topics like family dynamics, racial identity and personal sacrifices.

“Growing up as a restaurant kid means having a lot of time to yourself,” she shares. “Mom, dad, brother and sister are all busy working; as the baby of the family, my job was just to stay out of the way.”

With an early love of reading and writing, Phan desired to center herself as both the storyteller and main character. She shares her experience as a ‘third-culture kid’ in Canada, navigating two different worlds. Applicable beyond the Asian Canadian diaspora, the term refers to someone who has grown up in a culture different from their parents.

“You’re caught in the middle,” she shares. “For me, I was too Chinese to be seen as a real Canadian, but too westernized and Canadian to be seen as a real Chinese person.”

She remembers being a lonely child who experienced racist bullying; books and writing were a form of escapism, adventure and knowledge. Growing up without many Asian authors as role models, her dream of being an author seemed out of reach. She highlights the pandemic as a catalyst, leading the traditionally “white and elite” publishing world to promote more Asian voices in response to the rise of anti-Asian hate.

“I want people to know that they are not alone and that their feelings are valid,” she adds, “We are all sharing in similar heartaches, this cultural bereavement, I think there are more of us than people think.”

Realizing shared dreams

Restaurant Kid is both a realization of Phan’s dreams and those of her family. The writer recalls her father’s support of her writing career; he encouraged her to tell their family’s story. She is grateful for her family – whom she interviewed multiple times during the writing of this memoir.

“It was very eye-opening for me because never once did my family shut me out,” Phan recalls, adding that her writing process included reflecting on traumatic moments of her life. “Never once did they say, ‘you don’t need to know that’; they were just so open and forthcoming.”

Phan recognizes this openness as an expression of their love for her. She recalls feeling a deep sense of responsibility to “hold their stories with care.” Balancing the private with public, Phan notes that seeing family members as characters also helped the writing process.

“If I am seeing them as a character, I am not holding all the hurt and pain,” she shares. “I can treat them in a compassionate way because they are characters outside of who they are in my real life.”

The writer also recognized the importance of keeping some details private – a revelation that brought freedom to her process. When she finished Restaurant Kid’s manuscript, Phan thought she would have satisfied her literary callings. Motivated by the excitement and energy of putting out work, the writer is exploring new genres to further develop her writing career.

“I am always pushing people to read differently, read outside the box,” she shares. “You never know what you’ll find, what you’ll learn; that is the key to understanding people who are different from you.”

This year’s LiterASIAN festival also features Chinese Canadian community historian and author, Catherine Clement, novelist and short story writer Eddy Boudel Tan, and speculative fiction writer JF Garrard as well as a celebration of Ricepaper Magazine’s 30 years of operation.

For more information on the festival, see www.literasian.com

For more information on the author, see www.rachelphan.com