“It takes a village to raise up a child. In case of newcomer children – it may take more than one village, and also extra resources and support,” says Valerie Lai, manager of Pacific Immigrant Resources Society’s (PIRS) Outreach, Family and Children programs. To help newcomer families adapt to their new home and their children’s new environment, PIRS offers different services around parenting, including parent literacy programs, providing more tools to learn and grow together.

“Parents have lots on their hands when settling down in a new country,” says Lai. “Most of the time, they are not aware of the needs of the children during this transition time, and when their children act out, they are not able to cope with it.”

A transitional time

Lai adds that newcomer parents may also be hoping that their children cope well and adapt quickly, causing additional stress. While organizations like PIRS provides information and support during the transition process, Lai notes that parents are often preoccupied with meeting the financial, housing and food needs of their families before considering how their parenting style might evolve in Canada.

“Many immigrant parents are not aware of their child’s social emotional needs,” she adds. “They are not used to [talking] about their feelings and emotions themselves, but [social and emotional learning] is a big part in early years and parenting here.”

According to Lai, another major challenge is unfamiliarity with the education system. She notes how perceptions and expectations of the education system, as well as language barriers, add to the obstacles faced by newcomer parents.

“They are afraid to ask or even approach the school staff, as they have limited English,” she adds. “[Mothers may] also rely on their husband back home and [are] not used to advocating for themselves and their children.”

The parenting programs offered at PIRS, such as “Nobody’s Perfect” and “My Tween and Me” can help newcomer families feel less alone in their journey. They do so by offering a space for open conversation, exchange, and a cultural understanding of the specific challenges those families might face. By using a sensitivity and trauma informed lens, PIRS offers opportunities for families to grow in a space free of judgements.

“Parenting groups are best to be offered in their own language, or with cultural support, so that parents can understand and be able to share freely without the language barrier.” explains the program manager.

Celebrating success beyond barriers

The English vocabulary can also be a barrier when discussing different parenting concepts. According to Lai, different interpretations can lead to rich discussions about parenting ideas and understanding of existing cultural differences – as demonstrated through the example of the word “spanking.”

“What’s the difference between ‘hitting,’ ‘spanking,’ ‘patting,’ ‘slapping’?” she asks. “In other languages, it can just be the same word.”

Meeting facilitators and other parents that understand the same language and cultural background leads to culturally appropriate tips and approaches to parenting. These supportive environments also lead to new friendships between parents bonding over a shared language or common struggle, creating invitations for other newcomers.

“Families are reaching out after the group and also refer friends to join future groups, or parents return as volunteers to help out, as they also want to [give] back their experiences,” adds the program manager.

As an immigrant parent herself, Lai finds the work highly rewording. She advocates for the view that parenting is not black and white – there is “no absolute right or wrong” – and that parents know what is best when it comes to their children.

The small everyday life victories offered by those programs is the success of the organisations that provide them.

“Parents share their success […] and we celebrate their success together,” concludes Lai, emphasizing the need for more funding and long-term support of these programs.

To learn more about the Pacific Immigrant Resources Society, visit: www.pirs.bc.ca/our-programs/#adapt-to-life-in-canada